Sorry to Say but It’s a Parenting Crisis

Last Wednesday (9/23) police in Madison Wisconsin responded to reports of a disturbance at a local fraternity house. Here is what they found at 8:20 pm. Wisconsin fraternity hazing tip leads police to find 30 men in hot basement, some injured. Yesterday, in Ithaca, New York, the local district attorney resumed an investigation in which a then 20 year old Cornell student alleges she was raped by seven fellow students while intoxicated. This morning it appears the college students employed snapchat to inform their fraternity brothers that the young woman was available for sex. She alleges that her consumption of alcohol and drugs prevented her from resisting.  Cornell, Chi Phi Sued by Victim of Alleged Gang Rape, Drugging in 2024 – The Cornell Daily Sun. The D.A. maintains that when first interviewed about the November 2024 incident, the woman indicated she had consented. We should note these are not what are sometimes dubbed “party” schools. Cornell ranks number 13 nationally and Wisconsin ranks 34.

On Friday evening (9/25), the end of a high school football game triggered 300 students to riot in Bucks County’s placid county seat of Doylestown. CB West is a top 20% ranked school.

There’s lots of finger pointing going on and a lot of it is directed at the schools. Yes, the alleged perps are enrolled in these schools, but colleges are not islands. They have bars and fraternity houses and other distractions. They also have 16-24,000 undergrads under whatever supervision a college can provide. Perhaps more alarming are the whereabouts of 600 high school parents whose children did not come home after the football game ended last Friday.

We live in a day of empowered children. My neighborhood is filled with kids on electronic bikes and scooters. Consumer Reports says none of them is really safe for kids but kids want them and parents can’t say no. Roughly half of all children will have to navigate separation and divorce. Parents seem to miss the fact that a split of that kind creates a power vacuum that teenagers freely exploit. “Dad said I could stay out after the game ended.” The college crisis is even more acute because there is little to no adult supervision to be had. Many of these kids have spent good portions of their childhood trolling the internet or immersed in highly controlled and constant competitive athletic programs.

Except in an academic sense, schools have very little capacity to regulate how your kid acts outside the classroom and that’s but 25% of a day. During my ancient childhood, you couldn’t even watch television between midnight and 6AM. Today, your kid can gamble on sumo wrestling or the outcome of the Brazilian election 24 hours a day.

A University of Missouri website notes that “when teens’ needs are not respected by parents, they are likely to act out in frustration, anger and resentment. They might also join peer groups that engage in delinquent acts, substance use and sexually risky behaviors. This is especially common among teens who get limited parental guidance.”  As we have noted in an earlier post these kids look like adults and talk intelligently but their capacity to understand and avoid risk lags far behind what we “see” standing before us. Helping Preteens and Adolescents Adjust to Divorce | MU Extension

There is no easy answer but as we have reported you and your kid may experience a lifetime of pain when there is an arrest or a civil suit filed for damage the child inflicted or you condoned. Enrolling in even top ranked schools provides little benefit when it comes with the added cost of a criminal record or a judgment for damages.