Cellphone Wars: Is it a Battle You Want to Win?
On October 14, the Pew Research Center published its study on a new topic upon which a lot of Americans appear to agree. 68% of respondents believed that cell phones should be banned when classes are in session and 36% would support banning them from the school all day (53% oppose that ban). This cause developed traction this Summer when Pew reported that 72% of high school teachers found the devices to be a major disruption.
The reasons cited to oppose such restrictions are inability to enforce, the benefits of smart phones as a research tool and, yes, the perceived need for parents to talk to their kids and vice versa.
This is a very timely topic and it’s important in a child custody and a broader context. A year ago the American Psychological Association reported that 20% of American teenagers have seriously given thought to taking their lives. More than 20% of teens have seriously considered suicide. Psychologists and communities can help tackle the problem (apa.org). Pew Research reports that nearly half of all teens report being bullied on-line. Teens and Cyberbullying 2022 | Pew Research Center.
If you drill into parents’ concerns it boils down to concerns about being able to reach their kids in a crisis. School shootings in our country are pretty much a weekly event. There are 100,000 public schools in the U.S. but if you have children in public schools the percentages don’t really matter. You want to reach your kid if something should happen.
Unfortunately, in their quest to have immediate access to their children in a crisis, parents are allowing their children to be exposed to daily harassment and intimidation that has contributed to skyrocketing rates of suicidal ideation.
Unfortunately, bullying and manipulation is not confined to peers. Many parents harbor a kind of addiction to communication with their children. In the last 20 years parents have begun to form aspirations to be their child’s best friend. Are You a Best-Friend Parent? | Psychology Today. These parents are often threatened by the thought that their co-parent, whether father or mother, will replace them as their child’s “bestie”. This aspiration is demonstrated through constant electronic communications (phone, email, text) to and from the child while at school and when the child is in the care of the other parent. Needless to say, parents who are exercising custody with their children are often enraged to learn that their time with their child is diminished by constant communication with the other parent. A parent in custody imposes a decision related to bedtime, activities or some other matter only to find that the child employs the cell phone to record an instant “appeal” of that decision to the other parent. The stress created by these “interventions” impacts the parents, but it also damages the child even though the child is the catalyst for the intervention.
The miracle of the modern smartphone is undeniable. Unfortunately for children it is also a gateway for a thousands forms of mischief. Forbes and other media outlets are reporting that children are stripping for adults on Tik-tok. Shocking revelations about teens in redacted TikTok documents : NPR
We can acknowledge the benefit that smartphones bring to our lives but we cannot ignore the corresponding risks in a world where nearly 60% of the people on this planet have a similar device. So, yes, you feel an urgent need to be able to reach your child electronically. Unfortunately, the price you pay is that another 5 billion people may have access to your child as well. Not all of those people want to contact your child for honorable reasons. You and your fellow parent need to consider that because you both will live with the consequence of any harm inflicted on the child you love.